The Whole Finger

 

Uhhh….remember how I just said last week that I was going to try to write every day?  I don’t either.

Sorry!  This little bit has been a busy bee this week.  (Say that five times fast!)

So I’m feeling a little sassy and I feel like I should share the story on The Whole Finger. It’s probably not what you think, unless you’ve heard me tell this story before.

 

My mom’s name is Lydia and she’s from Puerto Rico.  In fact, she’s in Puerto Rico right now.  Anyways, I know you’re probably thinking that I don’t look Puerto Rican, and you’re probably right.  Lydia always said that the only thing hispanic about me were my lips and my hips, and the rest of me was all whitey.  Good old dad.

 

So being that my mom isn’t exactly from the states, she has a unique perspective on just about everything.  I’ll probably share a lot of Lydia stories simply because my mother is awesome, hilarious, and really great to make fun of.

 

When I was in high school, I learned a very obscene gesture.  Actually, I probably learned it way before high school, but I feel like I picked it up sometime as a teenager.  It’s not the nicest, or most attractive thing I do, but every once in a while it really seems necessary.  My sister doesn’t like to be in the car with me since I used to have a habit of waving at bad drivers with one finger.  I’m a little bit more level-headed these days.

 

My mom and I have always had a unique understanding, and most people wouldn’t really classify it as a typical mother-daughter relationship.  Sometime in high school, I got a little frustrated with Lydia at one point and turned into the typical disrespectful teenager we all hear so much about these days.  I wish I could recall what pissed me off, and then what possessed me to flip off my mom, but honestly, there were just so many things back then.

 

The crazy part is that my mom thought it would be funny to flip me off, too, but she did it wrong.  Seriously, she did it wrong, and all I could do was laugh and make fun of her.

 

This is not my finest picture, and I don't even want to speak about this night, BUT at least I know how to properly flip someone off.

This is not my finest picture, and I don’t even want to speak about this night, BUT at least I know how to properly flip someone off.

 

I’m sure you all are aware of how to correctly give someone the bird.  Your middle finger is supposed to be fully extended and your pointer, ring, and pinky fingers are supposed to be slightly bent.  If you use your thumb to hold down your other fingers while your middle fingers is all alone, then YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.  I refer to this unfitting way as “the whole finger.”  Even though my siblings and I have tried to teach Lydia the legitimate way to flip someone off, she always reverts to giving the whole finger.

 

I couldn't find a picture of Lydia doing "the whole finger."  Seems like this baby has the same idea as my mom, though.

I couldn’t find a picture of Lydia doing “the whole finger.” Seems like this baby has the same idea as my mom, though.

 

I’ve told the tale of the whole finger to many friends throughout the years, and everybody think it’s hilarious.  I just don’t know how Lydia can’t get it right, but if you ask her she’d probably blame it on arthritis.

 

So I hope everyone does the responsible thing and learns how to flip people off properly.  There’s going to be a time this will come in handy.  Get it?  Handy!  hahaha!  I slay me.  And don’t give someone the bird while driving.  That’s just rude.  Oh, and no one deserves the whole finger.

Even a cat can do it right.

Even a cat can do it right.